Why I Hesitated Today

We all do it! On the ‘baby’s’ first day of big school, we all say how it’s only yesterday he was so tiny, seems like last week we were amazed his 1st birthday was here already and now look at him! In a shirt and tie and very, very smart shoes! A bag on his back, food for the journey and filled to the brim with love and well wishes and off out the door!

It was no different here this morning. I got up at 7am to beat the crowds at the kitchen table! As I showered and dressed and put on make-up way, way earlier than I have all summer long, I kept glancing in at him spread eagled on my bed and snoring. Angel faced in his blissful sleep and unaware really of the significance of the day.

He knows he’s starting school, he knows he’ll be in class, a teacher, friends and homework. He doesn’t know that from today his independence soars, from today he steps out a little further from his base camp, from home.
He doesn’t see that today is very like that day he let go of my hand in our living room and took his first wobbly steps alone, it may be cliché to say but today was a first step day into a whole new world adventure!
He doesn’t realise the speed of time and how in a blink he’ll be eight or twelve and we’ll look back and say ‘But it seems like just yesterday he started big school!’.

I hesitated over waking him this morning. Once I did it would be all go, new socks, first tie, fussing over breakfast.

I hesitated over waking him today. Once I did, it would all change and all seem to speed up so much.

I hesitated over waking him today because until I did it would all stay the same. The sweet little Angel faced boy, my boy, our boy. Just ours. The big old world outside could wait a little few minutes longer. 

I just needed one last look. Before our little boy became that lovely big schoolboy.