10 Reasons My Toddler Thinks I’m A Killjoy

I have a toddler, in fact he’s hardly more than a wobbler at only 15 months old and he has proved as the youngest of three, he is a fearsome fearless force to be reckoned with.

Here follows 10 totally legit and genuine sentences I used yesterday in a 37 minute time frame.

1. No. You can not play with the empty glass jars you have just dug out of the dust bin.

2. No. You can not break the ‘childproof’ (pah!) lock on the under sink press and suck on the top of a bleach bottle.

3. No. You can not climb on a kitchen chair so as you can get on the kitchen table to run from side to side,stop just teetering at the edge then stick your toes in the butter.

4. No. You can not stand on that other kitchen chair so as you can stab a banana with coloring pencils.

5. No. You can not carry the kitten by her head and offer her up to me like a sacrificial gift. You are not Rafiki. He is not Simba. This is not The Lion King.

6. No. You can not climb into the pots and pans drawer to balance hands free on a stack of frying pans.

8. No. You can not use the handles of the drawers like a ladder to climb up to the electric hob and see what’s cookin’.

9. No. You can not sprint at high speed on those little chubby legs down the hall because you’ve noticed someone has left the bathroom door open thus allowing you access to the toilet bowl, plunger and toilet brush…much as I know you love those items.

10. No. You can not. You just can not…whatever crazy unhinged wild bright idea your hatching next. You can not.

The List

My Little Babog

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